15th
On Death
Death is the most awesome and horrifying experience I can think of, though I am yet to experience it.
I find it strange that so few people think about death in their every day lives. And if they do, it is without conscious awareness that they will someday die. People almost always subconsciously think they will live, regardless of what happens, or conversely, convince themselves that it does not matter through cognitive dissonance.
I on the other hand, have horrible dreams and realizations that I will someday be no more. I try not to think about it, but I, having the curious and contemplative mind that I do, fail. I sometimes find myself in a panic because I do not know what anything is worth. If I am only to die someday, what value does anything have?
It is a strange thought to think that someday I will be gone, forever. My simple epitaph will read: Here lies Steven Schnarr, who is dead, and will always be dead.”
Now you may think I am some hopelessly depressed teenager writing these things and that I’ll get over it, but I can tell you those last two things aren’t true, and I don’t think the first one is either. I am not a teenager, I won’t get over it, and I’m pretty damn happy most of the time.
I see three ways to overcome this obstacle of death, and none of them are true immortality.
1. Believe in an afterlife.
I can’t do this one. I grew up believing this, and it became overwhelmingly apparent that there was no evidence for it. I’m not denying it; I’m just saying there is no substantial evidence for it. So it leads me to choice number two.
2. Dont think about it.
I find this one really just makes me more depressed because I’ll just think about it later, and it will be worse. So I tend to use this mechanism only when necessary, when the third option does not seem available.
3. Embrace it.
It may seem strange, but thinking about death makes me happy. I find that I have an exuberance when life when I contemplate it. I let go of any inhibitions I have from my insecurities. I strive to achieve all that I wish to achieve. I live to the fullest—It all become about living in the present.
With this realization, death is no longer the enemy. Death is what makes me remember that I am alive, for now.
