24th
Lessons learned the hard way: Gambling
The internet has affected my life in way to many ways to elaborate in a single post, but there is one thing that sticks out—losing at online Texas Hold ‘Em.
I was 18, and similar to many other 18-year-olds, I thought I was the shit. I had just got out of high school and I thought I would experiment with the world of online gambling.
At first it was a game. I would play $5 buy-in sit-and-gos and win some and lose some. But then I started getting good. I started winning money much more often than I was losing. So I upped the stakes, $10 games, $20 dollar games. At that level, other players would be more aggressive.That’s where the true gamblers were. I would go down and up constantly. I would be up $100 one day, then down $50 the next.
One week I hit a streak of good luck. I keptt winning, so I upped the stakes to $30 and $50. By the end of the week, I was up $600 dollars. But then it hit me. Loss after loss. Instead of brushing it off as bad luck as I normally did, I tried winning it back by upping my stakes. This is commonly referred to as “on tilt.” That dreadful night, I began playing $200 buy-in games, the max bet allowed. I withdrew money that I didn’t have in my bank account, and kept playing games.
I didn’t win one.
I lost $2,000 that night. And when the website wouldn’t let me draw out any more money, the fantasy ended. I walked out into the livingroom, told my dad, and broke out in tears.
My dad refused to pay. He told me I needed to learn my lesson. I luckily had my older brother bail me out. But I learned my lesson.
A few months later, I began working full time and paid off the debt quick enough. I forgot about it, and eventually, when I was 21, I won $1400 in one sitting in Atlantic City. But skills at Texas Hold ‘Em were the least of my lessons.
I learned fiscal responsibility. I learned the real value of money and what it means to pay off debt. Better then, than when I get out of college.
I learned that there are no easy ways out. Even if I had become a poker superstar and ended up making a living through gambling, I would have no satisfaction. It would be a life of legalized stealing. Taking money from suckers that were unable to control their impulses. I would be stealing from my younger self.
And most importantly, I learned that I can’t rely on my instinct for split decisions. I can’t trust myself. As harsh as that may sound, it has gotten me through some of the worst nights in my life. When I feel like nothing good will ever happen to me, I can always doubt my instincts and wait it out. When I feel like I want to break off a relationship, I can doubt myself and wait until I know for sure. When I am ready to say “fuck off” to a superior, or break someones face, or jump off a building, I doubt myself, and no irreparable damage is done.
So even though it was a lesson learned the hard way. $2,000 was a small price to pay to learn these lessons. And besides, I’ve made that money back since then.
