19th
Random thoughts about what it means to be a man
“How do I know when I am a man?” A boy asks.
The father responds, “When you can see more sides to every story than one.”
The boy pauses for a second, then turns to his father seriously and asks, “Are you sure it’s not sex?”
I forget where I heard that, but it really stuck with me.
My dad never taught me that, though he was just as intellectual. In his words, I would be a man when I could take responsibility for my own actions and know that each choice I make is my own. There’s nothing wrong with that idea, but I don’t think that’s what it really means to be a man. There are plenty of people out there who take responsibility for their actions and still make bad choices. In fact, lots of self-righteous assholes take responsibility.
Though I readily admit taking responsibility is onthe path to growing up, I think it takes more wisdom and more patience to see multiple sides to a story. Not enough people in this world really strive to view things from all angles, but that’s really all I try to do.
When I was 17, I thought I had it all figured out. When I was 18 everything went to shit. When I was 19, I realized there might be another side to the story. And now, at 22, I realize there are countless sides to every story.
I’m not just talking about imagining what it would be like to be poor or a different race. I’m not just talking about imagining to see things from a different political view, though that’s getting closer. I’m talking about being completely flexible at the core of my being. I can understand when someone sees everything in the world as beautiful, and I can understand when someone sees everything in the world as shit.
I’m not trying to say this makes me better than other people—there are plenty of things that I suck at. I’m just saying for some reason this comes naturally to me.
It relates to my life story. I’ve moved from one side of the spectrum to the other, and wrapped around, then turned inside out. I’ve been there, and if I haven’t, I’m willing to go there to find out what it’s like.
In some sense, it makes it really hard to hold on to anything as my own. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“So this is what it means to be a man.”
